


I Found You A New One

by redstapler



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Strangers in Paradise
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 17:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redstapler/pseuds/redstapler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tambi Baker ignores current events. </p><p>Malcolm Merlyn ignores not-so-current events.</p><p>Felicity Smoak learns she has not hid her light under any kind of bushel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Found You A New One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wanderlustlover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderlustlover/gifts).



In her mind, it came to be known as The Night She Wore The Red Dress. To Felicity, that was the turning point when Oliver’s strange requests stopped being strange and started being terrifying, but also a little exciting. And when she made sure she got that raise she’d been lobbying for. What she didn’t realize was that it was also when she hit several different radars that she probably didn’t want to be on… 

MONTHS LATER

Tambi’s phone buzzed, alerting her to a text message. Frowning, she picked it up and glanced at the glowing screen.

_Interested in some new blood? This one’s a math and tech whiz._

Accompanying the words was a photograph of an attractive blonde smiling at a card table. Tambi recognized the location, if not the blonde--an underground casino in Starling City that she hadn’t been to in years. She vaguely recalled dragging a very drunk Cherry out of there at one point. Several palms had to be greased to smooth that nonsense over. Cherry may be effective, but she wasn’t without her hazards.

Tambi looked at the photo and considered her next move carefully. While she wasn’t actively looking new agents, she also wasn’t averse to seeing what talent was out there. She set her jaw and tapped a reply.

_I’m listening._

A few minutes later, another message buzzed through on her phone.

_Did I mention she’s also head of IT at Queen Consolidated? Well, that’s not true. She *used* to be head of IT.  Now she’s Oliver Queen’s personal assistant. Seems an odd career trajectory, no? Her name is Felicity Smoak. Happy hunting..._

Tambi took that piece of information in. She didn’t need a new agent. But sometimes one must take chances when they appear.

_Thanks for the tip._

It dawned on Tambi that the number texting her was not in her contacts list. She checked the area code--503, so definitely from Starling City. That interested her the most. Whether or not Tambi wanted to approach this woman remained to be seen. What she needed to know before she made that decision was who it was bringing Felicity to her attention.

She dialed a number that was in her contacts list.

“Hey Cherry, I’ve got some research for you.”

*** 

Felicity missed doing IT. Oh, what she wouldn’t give for a paper jam, a forgotten password, even “My cup holder broke.”

She longed to ask, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

Instead, she had to drop hundreds of dollars on a new and fancier wardrobe (okay, hundreds of Oliver’s dollars), mince around on impractical high heels (Loboutins. If she was doing this, she was doing this in style.), and book Oliver’s stupid calendar. And fetch him coffee. And manage the executive assistants’ Secret Santa.

What she wouldn’t give for a disgruntled Queen Consolidated employee complaining that she’d cut off his access to RedTube. Again.

Felicity sighed and opened Spider Solitaire for the twelve millionth time. When Oliver wasn’t in the office, she really had nothing to do. Hell, even when he was in the office, if she had things to do, they were usually Hood related. But she couldn’t really do Hood things without his instructions, and he hadn’t left any. She pulled out her phone to text Diggle, and was startled to notice she already had a text message waiting for her.

_Enjoying your life as Joan Holloway, Ms. Smoak?_

A cold trickle of fear found its way down Felicity’s spine. She did not recognize the number.

 _Who is this??_ She texted. She didn’t really expect an answer, she found herself writing it out of reflex.

_A friend. A friend who hates seeing your considerable talents wasting away over lunch orders and dinner reservations. Nice job hacking Open Table, by the way. That was masterful._

Felicity was in full-on panic now. She typed the phone number into a search engine and came up with nothing. Frowning, she created a shell account on her work terminal, proxied the fuck out of her location, and started digging for the number on less savory areas of the internet.

Everything she came up with pointed to the phone being a burner. Except for one thing.

Each clue lead back to the same carrier. Following the clues all the way down the rabbit hole lead one place: _Merlyn_.

Except that didn’t make sense, because he was dead...right?

Don’t be absurd, Felicity thought to herself. This isn’t like some crazy story where SURPRISE HE LIVED.

Felicity took a deep breath and picked her phone up again.

 _I could be interested_ , she typed.

 _Excellent_ , was the Mr. Burns-esque reply.

Felicity trusted this whole business as far as she could throw it.

***

The next day, Cherry sidled up to Tambi in the hall between the fitness center and the office.

 “Hey boss, I’ve got that research you wanted.”

“Took you long enough.”

 “Yeah, well, they’ve got all these new-fangled layering and proxy systems--”

 “I don’t want to hear it, Cherry. What information did you get?”

 “Well, on the mysterious texter, it’s your old friend Malcolm Merlyn.”

 “Oh great, that clown.”

“Now, now, let’s not speak ill of the dead.” Tambi stopped in her tracks and turned to stare at Cherry.

 “I’m sorry, what?”

“Damn, Tambi, you’re really behind on your current events. As far as most of the country--’scuse me, the world--thinks, Malcolm Merlyn is dead!”

 “Why is a dead man texting us about bright young things in red dresses?” The two women entered Tambi’s office. Tambi stood and looked out her window, while Cherry flopped gracelessly into a chair and put her feet on the desk.

 “I think he wants to get the band back together.”

 "You can't mean.”

 “I think the situation in Starling City is so busted that he wants us to groom her as a Parker Girl.”

“There are no more Parker Girls. The shop is closed. Even if we wanted to, the FBI has all that information now. One whiff of us training up a new class and all the favors owed to us will be bupkes.”

“Malcolm Merlyn doesn’t really give a shit about things like ‘The Big Six is gone,’ or ‘The FBI will be on us like a hobo on a ham sandwich.’ He wants what he wants, and he’ll throw money at it until he gets it. Or wave a gun in our face. Or, like, destroy an entire section of a city over a grudge.”

 “He was not the wisest of allies.”

 “Yeah, well, Darcy wasn’t the wisest of bosses for us, either. We’re all guilty of the same crime.”

 “True enough. Well, now that we know who the Mystery Man is, we should probably reach out to Ms. Smoak. This sounds like a headache she doesn’t need.”

 “I’ll book plane tickets. Are we bringing Casey?”

 “Sure, why not? She loves joining us on work trips.”

 ***

 "Mr. Queen’s office, Felicity speaking. How may I help you?”

 “Hi Felicity. My name is Mary-Beth Baker. I was hoping to get an appointment with Oliver Queen on Thursday?”

 “I’m sorry, Ms. Baker, Mr. Queen’s schedule is locked up through the new year. Can we schedule something then?”

“Hmm. That’s a problem. You see, I’m in town for a short time, and I need to speak to Mr. Queen about some important matters. We’ve got some shared business interests, and I know he’d want to ah...check under the _hood_. He’d appreciate getting the chance to _identify_ some problems we may encounter _soon_.”

Felicity’s hands shook. She took a calming breath.

“I see. Let me check with Mr. Queen about his schedule and see what we can shift around.”

“That’s excellent. I’ve just sent you an email with my contact information. Please let me know when is best.”

“O-of course, Ms. Baker. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

“Thanks, Felicity.”

Felicity sat there dumbly, only shaking out of her reverie when the dial tone swtiched over to klaxon-like screeching.

“OLIVER!” She shouted, standing up and running into his office.

“Felicity, what the hell? What happened to professionalism and keeping it unfamiliar?”

“We have a problem.”

“What happened?”

“I just got a call from a Mary-Beth Baker. She wanted to get a meeting with you, and she seemed to know quite a bit about your...shall we say...moonlighting.”

“Mary-Beth Baker? Never heard of her.” While saying this, Oliver managed to fidget in just such a way that Felicity knew he was full of it.

“You know, Oliver, for a guy with a secret superhero identity, you are crappy at lying to me. Who is she?”

“I don’t know exactly, but I know that she did work for my father at one point. Um. Wet work.”

“Wet work? Do I want to know what that’s a euphemism for?”

“She’s a highly trained hit woman.”

“Oliver oh my GOD what does she want with you?”

“I honestly don’t know. Make the appointment. We’ll have Diggle on hand.”

 “Yeah, sure, okay.”

 Felicity opened the email she’d received.

  _Ms. Smoak,_

  _I can be reached at 312-555-4387, or by replying to this email._

_I look forward to speaking with Mr. Queen._

_Best,_

_Mary-Beth Baker._

Felicity couldn’t help but notice that the one of the email was much more formal than the speech of the woman she’d spoken to just a few minutes ago.

“Yeah, that doesn’t help the creepy,” Felicity muttered, and dialed the number in the email.

“Mary-Beth.”

“Hi, yes, hello! Ms. Baker. Mr. Queen would love to meet with you tomorrow. Is 2pm okay?”

“2pm would be perfect. We’ll see you then.” Tambi hung up. 

“WE? Oh dear.”

***

Felicity's phone buzzed, nearly scaring her half to death.

_Ms. Smoak. Did you think more about my offer?_

Oh good. Mysterious Creepy Guy. To be honest, Felicity hadn’t. After the call from Mary-Beth Baker, she had been very, very distracted. Fear hit her again. Felicity was about up to here with that feeling. She and Oliver had adjourned to the Arrowcave as soon as they could, and Diggle showed up soon after.

He was not pleased that Oliver had been contacted by such a person. He put in a call to some friends in Washington and learned that, as far as hitmen calling from out of the blue, Mary-Beth Baker wasn’t really the worst.

So that was something. At least.

“Hey Diggle?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“What’s doing?” 

“So I got these weird text messages, got any thoughts?” Felicity passed her phone over to Diggle. He read the texts, his brow furrowing.

“Got any other info?”

“Yeah, I did a deep dive for info. Everything points at Merlyn.”

“That...makes no sense.”

“I didn’t say it made sense. I said what I found.”

“All right so, let’s say...this Baker woman showing up and these text messages coming in at the same time is...too strong for a coincidence.”

“I agree.”

“And if the options for people to trust in this situation are...a former mafia hit woman and...the shambling corpse of Malcolm Merlyn? Yeah, gonna go with the hit woman.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Remind me, Felicity? Did she say she knew about Oliver’s secret identity?”

“She emphasized the words “hood” and “identify” in a ninety second conversation. That, plus what else we know? It’s probable.”

Oliver came back to the control room at that.

“What did I miss?”

Felicity chewed a thumbnail and then spoke up. “A former mafia hit woman and the shambling corpse of Malcolm Merlyn.”

“I...what?”

Diggle cleared his throat. “I think we need to see this Mary-Beth woman as soon as possible. She seems to know who you are. Also, Felicity has been getting creepy texts, and I think it’s connected.”

“Call Mary-Beth. Let’s try and get out in front of this.”

***

“Hello? I see. You’re not wrong. You’re not wrong about that, either. I’ve got a plan. Meet me at the Starling City Plaza Hotel in two hours.”

***

Malcolm Merlyn was laying low. He was laying low in the hotel bar. He was a man of habit, after all. Some scotch, some people watching, some listening in on conversations.Such places were excellent for all manner of mayhem. He was musing into his glass when a gorgeous blonde in a tight blue dress bellied up to the bar next to him.

“Grey Goose dirty martini, please?” The bartender nodded and turned to the bottles to assemble her drink.

“It’s on me, Steve,” Merlyn said.The blonde turned to him and smiled.

“Why THANK you! I do appreciate it.”

“I’m happy to do it. Jeffery.” He reached out his hand, and the blonde took it.

“Casey. Nice to meet you, Jeffery!”

“You as well! How are you this evening?”

“I’m very well, thank you! This is my first time in Starling City. I’m really excited to be here!” Casey sipped at her martini.

“Oh, now nice! Where are you visiting from?”

“I’m in from Houston.”

“Houston! Another great town!”

“I quite like it! Are you here visiting?”

“You could say that. Bit of a staycation, really. My house is being worked on, so I’m staying here.”

“I love a good staycation. Especially when a hotel is involved.There’s something so fun about staying in a hotel in your own city. You don’t have to make beds. It’s so great!”

“I like hotel bars. You never know who you’ll get to talk to!” Casey threw back her head and laughed. It sounded like bells tinkling. Merlyn smiled at her and put his hand on her arm. Casey smiled back.

“I like hotels for that exact same reason.”

***

Into the elevator they went, tongues fighting for dominance. Casey was holding her own against the taller man.

“I--mmph---never do this!”

“I don’t care. We’re doing it. Up you get!” Merlyn picked Casey up and pressed her against the elevator wall. They remained entwined until the elevator stopped, the doors opening with a ding. Merlyn deposited Casey gently to the ground. As she lead the way to her room, he placed his hand at the small of her back.

He did not see Casey’s smile as she slid her key card into her door.

“I’m just going to freshen up a bit. Make yourself comfortable.”

Merlyn walked across the living room of the beautifully appointed suite, eyeing the minibar. He decided against. If the evening was going where he thought it was, the last thing he needed was more scotch.

“Oh, Jeffery? You ready for some awesome? Here I come!”

Jeffery was not even sure what happened next.

The door to the bathroom exploded open and seemingly a clown car’s worth of people streamed out of it. Merlyn started recognizing faces and realized he was in deep shit.

He never thought he’d see a proper Parker Hogtie again.

He certainly never thought he’d be the one getting Parker Hogtied.

Starling City PD weren’t even sure what to make of the scene when they arrived, but they were certainly appreciative. The reappearance of a man presumed dead was certainly quite a coup.

***

The next day, Mary-Beth Baker met with Oliver Queen.

Actually, the lot of them just went to lunch together.

Tambi and Oliver talked out the finer points of sending Felicity to Chicago for some combat training. Cherry and Diggle discussed the inherent problems of trying to provide security for people who were bullishly self-reliant and perfectly capable of defending themselves in hand-to-hand combat situations.

Casey put a hand through Felicity’s ponytail.

“You know, I’m not a natural blonde either. I can teach you how to keep on top of those roots, if you like…”

In the end, Merlyn was right. He _had_  found Tambi a new one.


End file.
